she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just found a bag of teeth...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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