We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
