I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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