This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
