gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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