I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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