jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Rumble strips road head = magical
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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