Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
