sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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