Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
