dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
