I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
