you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize