We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
