What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we're so committed to being not committed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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