just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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