I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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