Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
