he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
