You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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