Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Still dying that you shit outside
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
