so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
