Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
