where am i from again
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
