I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish I could teleport
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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