I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
