Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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