Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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