Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize