FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
