apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
