just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
