Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
