I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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