good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
