I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
