It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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