he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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