No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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