I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
