The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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