i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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