I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
