I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's blow job season.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
