I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
