I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I would ride that face into the sunset
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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