The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
