i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize