i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
