I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize