She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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