that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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