As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
