yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
