woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
