Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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