just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
