Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
