i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize