tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
