i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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