then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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