ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
