I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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