I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
