Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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