Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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