GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
